Marked for Departure
by LockmanCapulet
Summary: In which Lisanna comes home, Lucy is misinterpreted, Happy has too much catnip, and Natsu gets overzealous with a stamper. One-shot! Pseudo-parody of the "Lucy is Leaving" cliché.


Fairy Tail, as everyone in Fiore knew, had a reputation for destruction. Whenever any of its members went on a mission, they would unfailingly complete it but would more likely than not break something in the process, be it a vase or a whole town.

And as Lucy Heartfilia was quickly learning, this propensity was amplified when the entire guild was in all-out party mode.

Not that they didn't have good reason to celebrate- she, Natsu, Happy, Wendy, Carla, Gajeel, Erza, and Gray, along with their new counterpart friends, had just saved all of Magnolia and Extalia and had taken down a tyrannical monarch to boot. On top of that (and the most celebration-worthy) was the fact that Lisanna Straus, Mira and Elfman's sister who had supposedly died several years prior, turned out to be alive and well in Edolas all along and had come back to Earth Land with the rest of the guild. Natsu, of course, was partying the hardest, having had a strong friendship with her. (Only Gajeel rivalled him in levels of excitement, likely due to finally having found a cat partner in Pantherlily.)

Lucy, not one for absurdly rambunctious throwdowns, stood off a ways from most of the other members, avoiding the swinging arms and legs and the smashing of chairs, tables, and bottles.

Amidst the festivities, Lisanna had managed to slip away from her exuberant older siblings and Natsu to formally meet and get to know Lucy, Wendy, Carla, Bisca, and some of the other members who had joined the guild after her "death". All of the girls (plus Exceed) found that they got along well, and Lucy and Lisanna were happy to find that they had a lot in common. Lisanna was glad to learn that Natsu had formed a team with Lucy and the others.

"So just _how_ close are Lucy and Natsu?" Lisanna coyly whispered to Wendy.

"They're _reeeally_ good friends," Wendy whispered back, catching on.

"We'll just have to set them up for a date sometime, won't we?" The two girls giggled.

"I don't think I want to know what you're talking about…" Lucy moped.

A few hours later, the party showed no signs of slowing down, but Lucy was worn out just from watching the others. She was about to pack her things and head home when a woozy Happy glided toward her and flopped down on her head.

"Aye, siiir…" he said tiredly.

Lucy sighed and moved the Exceed to her lap. "How much catnip have you had?"

"Just a little," Happy said, patting his stomach. "The rest is fish…"

"Of course." Lucy shook her head. Noticing Gray's long-since discarded shirt draped over a nearby chair, she picked it up and folded it into a makeshift pillow, setting it on the table and laying Happy down on it. "Take it easy now. I'm heading out."

Happy yawned. "Aw, you're leaving? But the party's just starting…"

Lucy giggled. "Yup, I'm leaving. This partying's a bit too much for me. If Natsu asks, be sure to tell him that I've gone."

"Aye…"

With that, Lucy picked up her bag and made her way to the door.

The morning sun through the high windows slowly but surely made its way into the room, waking the tired partyers one by one. Everyone rubbed their eyes and slowly came to their senses (save those who'd had too much to drink the night before and now faced awful hangovers).

Natsu was, oddly enough, one of the last ones awake. He yawned and stretched, shouting, "Man was that some party or what, Luce?" He looked around for his partner, but she was nowhere to be found. "Luce? Where are ya?"

Those who were aware enough began looking around as well, but the blonde mage was clearly not in the guild hall. Natsu spotted Happy still asleep where he had been left the previous night. He hopped up and moved to wake up his Exceed partner.

"Oi. Happy." Natsu flicked the cat on the head. "Happy, wake up. You seen Lucy?"

Happy stirred and sat up, only semi-conscious. "Lucy? Yeah… she left the guild…"

Natsu shrugged. "Ah, alright. …wait, left the guild? You don't mean… _left_ the guild?!" He demanded in a panic.

Happy thought for a moment, trying his best to recall. "She told me that she was leaving, and to be sure to tell you. That's all I remember. She said she didn't like all the partying."

Natsu was in hysterics. "Oh man, Lucy's left! Why? Was it because I broke into her apartment? Ate her snacks? Burned that one book?" A sudden realization dawned on the Dragon Slayer. "Wait… I saw her talking to Lisanna last night, and she looked kinda funny. She doesn't… think we're replacing her, does she? Oh no, she totally does! Oh, what are we gonna do?"

At that moment, Natsu noticed Gray, who was collecting his shirt from the table. Natsu grabbed him by the shoulders. "Gray! Lucy's left the guild!"

Gray dropped his shirt in shock. "WHAT? You can't be serious!"

Natsu nodded fervently. "I am! She thought that since Lisanna came back, we were gonna replace her!"

Gray clawed at his scalp in concern. "Oh man, I can't believe this! It's our fault- we were all such jerks! We completely sidelined her and gave all out attention to Lisanna!" Noticing Erza passing by, the Ice mage dashed toward her and grabbed her by the arm. He screamed (loud enough for everyone in the guild hall to hear), "Erza! Lucy thinks we hate her and replaced her with Lisanna and she left the guild and it's all our faults!"

A stunned silence followed as everyone processed what was just said. Levy was the first to speak. "L-leaving?! Lu-chan can't be _leaving_!"

Wakaba smacked his fist to his palm. "She _can't_ just leave! She's one of us!"

Lisanna was close to breaking down in tears. "I… I never meant to…"

Elfman roared, "She can't leave the guild! That is not manly!"

Mira put her hand on Elfman's shoulder. "Elf-nii-chan, Lucy's not a man… but I can't believe this…"

Finally recovering from her shock, Erza spoke with a voice that hushed all others in the hall. "Is she." It wasn't a question. It was an animalistic growl.

Natsu continued his panic. "Oh man, I'll bet she's already packed her bags and moved out of her apartment and gotten her guild mark taken off-" A realization suddenly struck the Dragon Slayer. He charged to Master Makarov's empty office, rummaged around for a few moments, and returned with a triumphant look on his face and a circular object with a handle in his hands. "Guys! I know what to do!"

Gray cocked an eyebrow. "Is that…?"

"Uh-huh! We're gonna make Lucy stay whether she likes it or not! Then we're gonna MAKE her like it! Come on, guys!" Natsu charged out the door, several of his guildmates in tow.

_Thunk._

Looking up from her writing desk, Lucy was startled to see a dazed Happy pressed against her apartment window. He had apparently smacked into it, like a bird that hadn't known the glass was there. She stood up and was about to open the window when Natsu appeared just as suddenly and flung it open himself. He dashed into the room and charged straight at the Stellar Spirit Mage. "LUCYYY!"

Out of reflex, Lucy dodged, and Natsu ran headfirst into the wall. "NASTU! What are you doing?!" Lucy shrieked.

At that moment, her apartment door flung open and a half-dozen members of Fairy Tail poured in. "GET HER!" Cana shouted as Gray and Erza grabbed Lucy and put her in a headlock.

"Wha—WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Lucy screamed, squirming as much as she could in a desperate attempt to break free.

"Now, Natsu!" she heard Lisanna and Levy shout. Lucy looked up in time to see Natsu come at her with a strange object in hand. "Natsu, is that—what the heck are you doing?!"

"YOU'RE NOT LEAVING FAIRY TAIL!" Natsu shouted, diving at her with the official Fairy Tail guild mark magic stamper in hand. Lucy screamed in protest and thrashed this way and that, making it difficult to get a clean shot at her arm as Natsu had intended. He instead settled for anywhere she had skin exposed—which, given Lucy's typical attire, allowed for a lot of options—and went to town, getting at least two dozen stamps of various colors on her within a minute. Neither legs nor midriff nor neck nor arms nor face were spared.

It suddenly occurred to Natsu to put a mark where her previous one had been, on the back of her right hand. He grabbed her thrashing arm by the wrist, pulled it toward himself, and—

Discovered her original pink guild mark, still present and plain as day.

"Wha…" Natsu trailed off, letting go of Lucy's hand and backing away in shock. Seeing his expression, the others reluctantly let go of Lucy as well.

Lucy, needless to say, was furious. "UGH! I can't BELIEVE this! Is this your idea of a prank, you guys? Is there even a way to get these off?" she whined, looking herself over and rubbing at a broccoli-green mark on her thigh.

Natsu looked at her like she'd grown a second head. "Wait, so you… you _didn't_ leave the guild?"

Lucy looked at him like _he'd_ grown a second head. "What?! Why would I leave Fairy Tail? You psychotic doofuses are my family!"

Gray spoke up. "You mean you're _not_ upset that we replaced you? Even though we totally didn't?"

Lucy was even more confused. "…what?"

Natsu replied, "Happy told me last night you told him you were leaving for good!"

Lucy thought for a moment. "…no! I just told him that I was heading home for the night!"

Everyone present turned to stare at the Exceed. Happy could only grin sheepishly. "Oh yeah, _that's_ what she said… heheheh…"

As the stares turned to glares, Happy rubbed the back of his head with his paw. "Well, I guess I should be off…" He darted out the window as quickly as Exceedly possible, with everyone save Lucy hot on his tail.

Lucy was left alone in her apartment, covered in a rainbow of guild marks. She looked herself over again. "Oh, I sure hope Master has a way to get rid of these…"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Lucy had Makarov remove all the extraneous guild marks, Natsu figured out how to control what color the guild mark became, and everyone worked together and took the time to turn Happy's blue fur to pink. :3**

**Just a stupid one-shot I had an idea for. I'm glad to be submitting something. All's Fair Ch. 4 coming soon! I mean it this time!**


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